Dear Journal,

Today I played as a foul mouth Navy SEAL in a buggy mess of a game.

Some games should just be left in the backlog, there have been a couple of those during Backlog Quest (such as this one, or this one), and sadly Rogue Warrior joins the party.  Based very loosely on former Navy SEAL Richard Marcinko, Rogue Warrior is best described as a Reagan era Republican’s wet dream. The game’s story is that of a lone Navy SEAL defying orders to prevent Soviet hostilities from reaching full-blown nuclear war with the United States.  Admittedly, this could have been something to get into, the one-man army (read: Rambo) style army thing, but the results are just a complete mess.

The game, all 3-4 hours of it, is primarily filled with buggy shooting mechanics, a poor cover system and repetitive kill moves and swearing. Voiced by Mickey Rourke, Marcinko’s character basically does nothing but swear for three hours in a voice that sounds sort of like what you imagine the bastard love child of Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage would sound like. It isn’t pretty.  The kill moves, which consist of momentary third person quick time events such as pushing someone off of a railing or stabbing them in the forehead get very old very quickly, as you’ll be doing a lot of it.

Rogue Warrior’s story has you running around inside the Iron Curtain, killing a bunch of commies and blowing up a bunch of Soviet missiles, yet it is completely under whelming.  Really, nothing about the game plays well and even Mickey Rouke in the starring role falls flat.  The entire game screams rushed production (the original Zombie Studios developed version was cancelled by Bethesda who then re-booted it under Rebellion) that was simply trying to make back some of the money that was spent in production.  There is a reason that Rogue Warrior dropped into the $5 range so quickly; the fact that Bethesda ever tried to even charge $60 for this absolute mess of a game is embarrassing.

The game’s only saving point is that it doesn’t look entirely awful and that Rogue Warrior does have that sort of 80’s action film vibe to it.  With a little bit more polish it would have still been a throw away title, but a fun throw away title.  As is, the game is only really best played to see just how good most other games are by comparison.

Tomorrow I use the force in Star Wars: Clone Wars: Republic Heroes.

Final Rating: 3.5/10

CBR Break Down:
Console Played On: Xbox 360
Time to completion: ~ 3 hours
Gamer Score Earned: 360/1000
Price Bought at: $5
Current Price: $2.90 (Amazon)
Recommend Purchase Price: If you absolutely need to try it, stay under $5.
Why you should buy it: You’re a huge fan of pointless swearing or 80’s Rambo style action flicks
Why you shouldn’t buy it: The game literally hurts the reputation of a former Navy SEAL.