Dear Journal,

Today I traversed the nine realms only to be defeated by poor frame rate, pixelating graphics and, well, just too much bad to cover in an opening line.

I want to just go on record right now and say that Thor: God of Thunder may be one of the worst super hero inspired video games of this generation; yes, even worse than Iron Man 2.  This Sega developed mess of a game is not only far too long for its own good, but suffers from some serious game play issues, graphical issues and in many cases a complete lack of sense.

You know what?  This game pissed me off so much while playing it I’m going to forgo my normally respectable demeanor when reviewing a game with some certainly bad moments but a few redeeming moments.  Why?  Because the only redeeming moment in Thor: God of Thunder is when the credits finally roll.

For Odin’s sake, they have you literally fighting an army of bad guys in order to find a piece of equipment to repair an elevator in one level.  An elevator.  You are playing as Thor, and Thor’s Viking ass can fucking fly faster than an Englishman fleeing the coast after seeing the long boat; god fucking damnit! WTF is this crap?

Seriously.  It pissed me off.

If only the game were as awesome as this screenshot.

Add to it that the game constantly had moments where the visuals just became completely pixelated, or in some cases lost the texture maps all together; and now you have a game that makes no damn sense and looks like a bad tech demo of a PS2 game that was never made for quality concerns.  Then we add into the mix the fact that the combat is boring, the camera is your biggest enemy, and the game seriously just drags on forever until you finally get to one of the several ridiculously hard bosses that you have to fight.  Then the end boss… the damn end boss.  The guy who programmed that fight can take Mjölnir and shove it where the sun don’t shine, and I don’t mean Jotunheim.

How do you make something this cool suck so bad?

You know what, I can’t even talk about this steaming pile of trash any more.  This game is bad and Sega should feel bad for making it, and if you like it, you should feel bad for doing so.

Tomorrow my quest finds some redemption in the form of Lord of the Rings: War in the North. For now, it is time to see if water can get hot enough to wash away the stain of Thor: God of Thunder.

Final Rating: 2/10

CBR Break Down:
Console Played On: Xbox 360
Time to completion: Approximately 8-9 hours.
Gamer Score Earned: 845/1000
Price Bought at: $12
Current Price: $13.05 (Amazon)
Recommend Purchase Price: They should pay you to play it.
Why you should buy it: You want to get in on the class action lawsuit for the damage done to video game’s overall reputation.
Why you shouldn’t buy it: You still retain any of your senses after all those nights of heavy drinking.

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